Edit.
To take away.
That's a truly terrify, courageous act.
Before I can walk a minute into the future I have to decide what's coming with me.
Ever looked at a blank page? I mean, really looked? It's empty. That's a tomorrow. My tomorrow. Yours.
Here's the catch.
As soon as I walk into that page I will bring every place I have ever been and everything I have ever seen, said, done, regretted, grieved over, bleed from. I will bring ME. So I fill the page before even breathing a second of this new day.
New things require space. SPACE. I only get space by making it. And since I've discovered that I bring me to every new day, clearly some thoughts, beliefs or actions will have to change or leave entirely.
That's editing.
And it's enough to make me cry.
See I know I'm going to be in that awful half way place. I've removed something, but I'm not sure yet what to replace it with.
And here comes my fear.
What if I don't know what to fill the space with? What if I do know, but I can't do it? Or I try and fail?
Sure I can go back to the way things were, but then every day will look like my yesterday. And then I'm going no where and creating no thing, achieving no goal and never changing. In short, for a writer, I have no new book.
So I think perhaps I do it afraid. I edit anyway. I fail. I try again. I sit there. Face the empty page. Face the full pages and delete what needs to be deleted. I refuse to fill each day with the same crap I brought to it yesterday. And try better. Fail again. Edit again. And again. And again.
And oneday I realise that my tomorrow looks different. It was made up of the sum of all my edits. And maybe I have a book I'm proud of. One that has benefitted from my failing and learning and trying again.
An edit. Maybe not perfect. But at least a life that is written on a new page with new words. A world that is not the same as it was before.
Yes the more we edit, the more room there is for new things. It's a little like clearing out your closet.
ReplyDeleteAgree! And I like new stuff :)
DeleteI had never considered that I bring everything with me to the blank page ... but I suppose it's true - what a weight, what a necessity to edit!
ReplyDeletelovely to see you here again Julie :)
DeleteYes, we all bring our emotional baggage with us into the future, we have to work out what is important to keep or not.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words at my blog.
xoxoxo ♡
I can feel my mind opening up as I consider these ideas - paring down my life to remove the unnecessary, the irrelevant that distracts me from real living, like boiling down a stock to get the richness. But like a hoarder, the clutter is familiar and safe, and I feel exposed and vulnerable without it! I think it defines me but it actually just limits me. Valuable things to ponder - thank you Tab. Have courage while doing your own editing!
ReplyDeleteWow...very deep! It is tough to take things out...both of our books and our lives. But it definitely is necessary to make things better.
ReplyDeleteI need to fill more blank pages, but when I do I find it difficult to edit. My words always seem so magical and valuable that I find it hard to get rid of any. Sounds like all the stuff piling up in my garage.
ReplyDeleteArlee Bird
A to Z Challenge Co-host
Tossing It Out