A Fist Full of Colors

I have a fist full of colors. Possibilities attached to strings I hold in my hand. A fist full of breath. A fist full of life that has yet to be lived. Colors of dancing begging to be released, longing to float, waiting to fly...

but I hold them up to the sun and panic.

"What if?" I ask myself.

"What if?" I whisper to the vast blueness.

"What if I am not enough? What if I am too much?"

"What if no one comes to find me? What if everybody comes, but I can't be found?"

And the questions pluck the wings off butterflies.

They suck the air out of flight.

And suddenly what I am holding seems too small to have significance. Too many to expect them all to fly. Too few to think that if they did rise on the winds that any would weather the distance.

When I fist saw these colours they were not the strings in my hand attached to balloons, but the immature squiggles of coloring. My pudgy fingers clumped around a pencil I could not control and had no hope of using to turn into beautiful marks on a page.

The colors were just a mass of lines circling a page.

Free and wild.

Unplanned and unknown.

Some days at the bottom of wells I loose sight of the skies. Darkness places his cold face against my cheeks and curls his lips around lies. He nails rake across my skin telling me that I am empty. There no balloons. I never had anything worth releasing.

But I feel the tug at the end of strings. Something is in my hands. Something I care about. And I remember the colors. How I filled those childish drawings with life and longing. How I want things that matter. Things that were given to my heart to long for. Things that I want others to see. Colors. Free and Wild. Unplanned and still largely unknown.

When I climb up and out and find my feet beneath the skies again, I shake and shiver. The remnants of darkness that wants me alone and all to himself.

But I am here. Beneath the blue...

I have a fist full of colors. Possibilities attached to strings I hold in my hand. A fist full of breath. A fist full of life that has yet to be lived. Colors of dancing begging to be released, longing to float, waiting to fly...

Release them Tab. Nothing happens while you are holding on, except the holding. Let them go.

~

What about you? What do you hold in your hand and long to release?

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Blog Tour for The Bartered Bride

Please welcome Erica Vetsch, author of The Bartered Bride to my blog today. Read on and leave a comment for your chance to win a copy of this latest release.

Thank you, Tabitha, for having me here on your blog to talk about The Bartered Bride. I’d love to talk about the highs and lows of writing category romance. First, a quick definition of category romance: a story where the main plot is the romance, guy gets girl, with a happily ever after ending. The story must fit fairly strict guidelines as to content and word count, and usually has a fairly short shelf-life, as new books will come up to replace it within a month or so of release. Examples: Heartsong Presents Romance, Steeple Hill’s Love Inspired lines, Harlequin books.

There are several responses I’ve gotten when someone finds out I write category romance for Heartsong Presents.

· Category Romance? Isn’t that a frivolous way to spend your time? Christians shouldn’t spend their time on romance.

· Category Romance. Those are short books. Not like writing a REAL novel.

· C Category Romance. Aren’t those all the same? The guidelines are so tight, every story must sound exactly alike.

· Category Romance! I LOVE those. I’ve been a longtime member of the HP book club and can’t wait to get your book!

Obviously, I love the last response the best, but let’s look at the other three a bit closer.

Category Romance? Isn’t that a frivolous way to spend your time? Christians shouldn’t spend their time on romance. Misconceptions about what Christian Romance Fiction is abound. I can assure you, I don’t write smut, and I don’t write to titillate or tease. In no way do I want to lead my reader astray or beyond what they feel comfortable with. What do I want to accomplish with Christian Romance?

1. Provide an entertaining read. Take the reader to another time and place and allow them to experience the story in a way that entertains and pleases.

2. Showcase the beauty of a romantic relationship that glorifies God and lets the reader see the benefits and blessings of loving someone the way God intended.

3. Show that Christians are real people, with real desires, real struggles, and real feelings.

4. Reach my target audience: Christian women who want their faith affirmed through love stories that glorify God.

Category Romance. Those are short books. Not like writing a REAL novel.

I’ve gotten this response more times than I care to think about. But if I may, I’d like to list a few of the things that go into a category romance that also go into a trade-length/full-length novel.

· Character development. The story has to be ABOUT someone.

· Setting development. The story has to take place SOMEWHERE and the story must be true to that location and time period.

· Plot. SOMETHING has to happen in the story.

· Spiritual thread. The characters must learn and be changed spiritually throughout the story.

· Romance. The guy and girl must fall in love and have a happily-ever- after promise for the future.

The challenge for the category romance writer is to do all the same things needed in a trade-length manuscript, but in HALF the words.

In addition to the content being similar to a trade-length romance, the production process is the same. I go through content edits, copy edits, galley edits, cover art, author bio sheets, all the steps needed to get a book from contract to bookstore shelves, whether trade-length or category. Trust me, this FEELS like writing REAL books, regardless of the impression it might give to someone who has never tried it.

Category Romance. Aren’t those all the same? The guidelines are so tight, every story must sound exactly alike.

There are certain guidelines that Heartsong Presents has that are unchangeable. The word count cannot be changed, for printing and shipping reasons. I’m cool with that. There are also content rules that need to be followed. The characters must be chaste, no sizzling sex-scenes. I’m way cool with that. There must be a happy ending where the hero and heroine are in love and planning a future together. Since this is the entire foundation of romances, I have NO problem writing with this goal in mind. I don’t want to gyp my readers, by promising them a happy ending and giving them something else.

That being said, there is an entire world of possibilities within those guidelines. I’ve written about shipping magnates, lighthouse keepers, ship builders, a ranch foreman, a small town sheriff, and a stage coach driver. I’ve gotten to write about a suffrager, a housekeeper, a mathematics genius, a cowgirl, a baker, and a lady detective in the Old West.

I’ve gotten to explore themes like Trusting God, the sovereignty of God, God as a refuge, God as creator, God has a plan for our lives, and so many more.

I’ve set books in the Guilded Age, in Duluth, MN, in the wild west in SW Idaho. Pending books are set in Texas and Colorado, gold mines and ranches.

The beauty of fiction is that even within strict guidelines, the story is yours to craft in your unique way.

Category Romance! I LOVE those. I’ve been a longtime member of the HP book club and can’t wait to get your book!

Obviously, I love this response the best. So if you haven’t tried a Christian Category Romance, I hope you’ll be willing to reserve judgment until you’ve read one. It doesn’t have to be mine, but I wouldn’t complain!

Thanks Erica!

What about you? What surprised/interested you about the world of romance writing? Please leave a comment to enter to win a copy of The Bartered Bride.

Remembrance Day

Hey all,

I was going to sit this post out. Just go missing in action. Or say something trite about my words being lost or all choked up and then mumble my apologies. But then I gave this post a title.

Remembrance Day.

November 11th.

A day when Australia stops and remembers our fallen heroes in wars past and those who fight for our freedoms today.

And I decided that the least I can do is share my Remembering.

For me Remembrance Day is little more personal. But still about fallen heroes.

One year ago today I held my grandfather's hand and watched as he took his last breath.

I don't think the sadness has settled in me yet. The Autumn leaves are still falling on that grief I guess. My memories of him still feel like a Spring's walk. Fresh. Warm. Like the yellow path in the photo above.

That's all.

I just wanted to say I remember.

And my thoughts of him are long and peaceful. It still feels like I could go visiting tomorrow and there he'd be. Sitting and waiting. Ready to take another walk.

There are no other words tonight.

I want to have a shower and crawl into bed.

So forgive the absence on your blogs. I usually stay up so I can catch those of you who post early in the morning there in the US. But I just don't have it in me tonight.

Catch you tomorrow? (which will be your Wednesday evening)

Blessings to all.

I am off to be gentle with me.

Tab:)

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