New Year. New Word. 2018

Each year I select a word (or phrase) to guide me:

In 2017 my word was RELENTLESS

And in my blog post from this time last year I wrote:

"Not relentless as in cruel, uncaring or harsh.

But, relentless in hope. Relentless in chasing. Relentless in writing. Relentless in faith. Relentless in love. Relentless in caring. Relentless in dreaming. This year I will not give up. I will continue in everything I hoped and dreamed for last year. I will continue to expand my wings of being myself and  embracing truth and vulnerability.

I will be more fully myself. I will continue to grow as a writer and show up on both the page and in my daily life. I will embrace relentless courage. Relentless bravery. Relentless ME."

I began 2017 with an over arching goal to pursue my dreams for my writing, to be the person I wanted to be regardless of circumstances and to follow hard after what was placed in my heart. I began the year without an agent, with the full of my manuscript having been requested by a few agents and waiting to hear back from at least four of them. It took until October of this year to finally hear back from one of those agent who would offer to represent me as an author. In the months of waiting I had to complete another massive revision of the manuscript based on the feedback of another agent. That agent, as lovely as she was, was not the agent who offered representation. She was placed in my life, I believe, to help steer that book where it needed to go. It was that revision that piqued the interested and passion of my agent, Nicole of Golden Wheat Literary, who eventually offered to represent me. 

I want to say this, there were many many days of waiting. I had NO IDEA which way to go next. I felt overwhelmed, weary, bone-tired. But I took hold of that word RELENTLESS and a butt-headed , stubborn- assed refusal to give up. Even time an opportunity came along, no matter how small or if I could see where it would lead, I took it. Every time someone offered help with my book, or another author reached out with encouragement, I took it. I spent time each morning praying, I tried to trust, to give God the dream that was bigger than me... but here's the truth...

...I faulted, I failed, I tripped over my own fears and self-doubt more times than I can remember, I  felt defeated, confused, worried anxious. I wondered if God cared, I wonder if He heard, I wondered if I was really meant to be a writer after all... BUT I also decided to refocus, to believe again, to trust again, to try again, to rinse, wash and repeat, and friends.... I did not have to be perfect to achieve my goals. I just had to get back up. THAT is enough.

YOU ARE ENOUGH. 

What stands between us and where we want to go is not how good we are, how perfect, how creative, how talented, how faithful, prayerful or purposeful we are. It is not our inadequacies or brokenness that holds us back. What stands between us and where we want to go is our dog-eared determination to KEEP GOING. 

The biggest lesson the word relentless taught me, was that I can be me with all my imperfections and still achieve my goals. 

In 2018 I will have more MASSIVE book news to share. I am sitting on this news like a little kid on Christmas morning waiting for next year when I can tell you all. 

And I am so thankful!

My word for 2018 is PEACE.

I not only want to keep going, I want to learn to do it grounded in peace. To actively pursue peace, pick my battles wisely and not shy away from battles which are wise to fight. To learn stillness when surrounded by wildness for all of life is wild. To be completely obedient to my God and to the truth I know in my heart. To believe more consistently in what He says about me and in myself. To accept that peace is not perfection, but inner stillness and being grounded.

I think PEACE is a good word to have after a year of RELENTLESS.

I wonder...what will your words be in 2018? 

You get to pick anything you like. Life will try to give you many words. Fear, anxiety, doubt, not good enough, not mother enough, not woman enough, not man enough...

But what words will YOU chose?