Monday, October 26, 2009

Here I am


32
and then the clock ticked
again
one too many times
sands washed
another wave
wind
movement
and
another year
33
Here I am,

stripped bare
unashamed
because I am tired of all the dressing up
before the God who holds me
tight
close
while I knife the safety net
He weaves beneath my life
Still
Here I am,

standing
When God knows I should kneel
boxing my shadows
alone
in corners
under desks
When He calls me under His wings
Hiding, God, still hiding
He knows me anyway.
Sees where I have been and where I am.
Here
Crawling
dragging beauty through the filth
Here I am.

His fighter
His tears
His joy

The woman He calls Princess
when I prefer the swamps
darkness
the comfort of not knowing
my fists pounding
so close that we both bite our lip
still
Here I am.

How can He stand to watch?
But He does more than stand
He runs
beside
in front of
around
and behind
Because here I am
I am His.

yep, it's my birthday today. 33. Amazing what happens when you are busy hiding, running and crawling. Today, I just am. Here. Half way to Happy. A long way past the end of me and all the way committed to doing another year with Him. Not a bad place to be.

What about you? Where do you find yourself today?

32 comments:

  1. Happy Birthday!!! I hope you have such a wonderful, sweet day with your family. :-)

    Beautiful post about God. He's SO amazing...

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  2. Happy Birthday, Tab!! Hope it's a great one! And thanks for sharing such a beautiful poem!

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  3. Happy Birthday! You have so much more wonderful stuff ahead of you. Enjoy!

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  4. Thanks for the birthday wishes girls. :))

    I am looking forward to the wonderful stuff, Liza. Thanks for the warm wishes :)

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  5. Happy Birthday, Tabitha! I wish you a flourishing future of words and laughter. :)

    A lovely poem, laying yourself bare for your readers.

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  6. Happy birthday Tabitha! It sounds like you a becoming all that God desires. Daily. Like us all a work in progress.

    I pray you receive all the love that your heart desires!

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  7. Happy!

    I prefer the swamps of darkness too. This is lovely. As always. did you get the book?

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  8. Happy Birthday, Tabitha!! What an honest poem. I often feel just like you. But knowing He loves me flaws and all, is an amazing blessing!!

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  9. Happy Birthday! I hope you have a wonderful day.

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  10. ~****HAPPY BIRTHDAY****~ xoxox I'll be thinking of you. Enjoy your special day =)

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  11. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I hope your day is fantastic!

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  12. I'm singing you Happy Birthday, Tab. The poem made me sad. Hope you're not feeling sad today. You have so so much to celebrate. Have a wonderful day with your family. I'm so grateful that I connected with you.
    Blessings,
    karen

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  13. Happy Birthday! I hope this next year brings you light and love and lots of healing.

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  14. Happy Birthday. I turn 33 in less than a week. I love your idea and the way you entered a new year. May God bless you in the year and years to come.
    ~ Wendy

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  15. Happy Birthday. And that was a beautiful and touching poem--with God for you, around you and in you, each day can bring something wonderful.

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  16. Happy Birthday! And what an amazing photograph.

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  17. Happy birthday Tabitha! I hope it's wonderful!

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  18. Happy, happy birthday. 33! So much still to do, places to run, love to experience. You're barely a third of the way through you life - maybe less if science keeps advancing. Enjoy every minute.

    Helen
    Straight From Hel

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  19. This reminds me of a song I love by Matt Wertz which says something like, "How can He drink me in, when I can't even stand my taste?" Something like that. It sticks with me. God can be anywhere, and yet he chooses to wallow in the muck with me while I figure it all out.

    Happy Birthday Tabitha! So young.

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  20. Happy birthday. You have an awesome way of expressing yourself.

    Stephen Termp

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  21. Wishiing a very happy birthday from Texas. Treat yourself well and get more than "halfway" to happy today. Have a great day!

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  22. Great poem! I hope you have wonderful 33rd year of life. :)

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  23. Happy Birthday and you have gifted us all with your amazing poem.

    much love

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  24. Sweetheart, Happy Birthday! My son's is tomorrow. He'll be 5. Today is your day, you have gifted us with your beautiful talent and illuminating presence for another year. May you have many, many more. You're still a spring chick.

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  25. I remember 33, it was a very good year. Happy Birthday kiddo!

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  26. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Earlier today I was lamenting the fact that it seems like yesterday I was 32. I'm now 39! 33 is still very young.

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  27. That was beautiful! What a way to start another year!
    All the Best to you on your New Year!

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  28. Happy Birthday! And many happy returns of writing beautiful pieces that bring people into God's presence.

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  29. hmmm...first of all happy birthday ...
    ..where do i feel myself today......hmm..palying with hopes...like ever
    :-)

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  30. Hey peoples! Thank you all for the birthday wishes. My husband and boys spoilt me rotten. I am the proud owner of more boxing lessons than should rightly be mine, and enjoying every minute.

    I am trying to feel young thanks to your comments :)

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  31. Boxing lessons? I am so envious of that. That sounds like a blast. That might be exactly what I need.

    Happy Birthday, Tabitha, a day late! I kind of unplugged yesterdy. Sorry I missed it! I hope you had an awesome day.

    Thank you for your wonderfully encouraging comment on my blog this morning. Those encouraging words go a long way!

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