Good Thing, You Make my Heart Sing, You Make Everything Groovy.

Too many Pears! picture book by Jackie French

Pamela likes pears... the way that fish like water, mosquitoes like to bite me and the way that I like to read books. Only she's a cow who has found something better than the grass addiction so common to her kind.

One pear is good. Two pears is twice as nice.

A library is lovely, a book shop is fun and an open credit limit is priceless. Debit is not. It has a cost. So does overindulgence.

Pamela is about to find that out. She's a pear glutton. Pamela likes pears even more than Amy.

Pamela likes Amy's lunch pears, her picnic pears, her dessert pears and the pear pie she baked to replace the dessert that Pamela ate. Poor Amy.

I like books. Books in the bath, books before bed, books before morning and books with dessert. Books in the bath with dessert is even nicer. Books, bath, dessert and a glass of wine... heaven!

Poor my husband Matt. When I was not at uni, not at work and not out with friends, I was reading. I had yet to discover writing. Matt did not know about my reading. We had only lived together for a short time before we were married. Not long enough for him to discover.

Pamela liked pear picking. Poor Amy's pear tree. Amy picked lots of pears. Pamela picked more.

Matt tried to get into the reading thing once. He read one book, yah him. When he finished, I'd read three.

Grandpa fenced off the pear tree. Pamela crawled under. Who knew cows could crawl? See why I love to read. The things you learn.

Grandpa tried tying Pamela to another tree. Pamela learnt to pear pick with a tree dragging behind her. Amy bemoaned ever getting another pear to eat in her life.

Matt tried ignoring my reading. I didn't notice. Matt rolled over when the bedside light was still on. It was still on at 2am. Matt had fallen asleep. I had finished yet another book.

Then Amy had an idea. She laid on a pear feast for Pamela's pear fetish. Chocolate pears, baked pears, cream and pears, pears and cake, pears of all varieties and colours and shapes.

Matt had ideas too. He found my library card. I wondered where it was! He came with me to borrow books. We were newly wed. We had no cash. We were saving money. Then he watched me pay the replacement fees on all the books I lost. Now we were not saving money.

So Matt bought me books for my birthday, books for Christmas and books for Easter. Then he bought me books because he loved me, books because it was the weekend, books because it was Friday, then Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. It was no longer fun to buy me books. So I bought myself books. Just because. And I read.

Pamela ate and ate.

I read and read.

When Pamela got to 600 pears she turned a nice shade of green.

When Matt and I had been married about a year he turned a nice shade of green too. And I noticed the widening gap between us. I didn't know how his day was, didn't see him come home, didn't see him go to bed. We chatted at the dinner table, but then I went back to reading. Okay, it might not have been this bad, but it was not much better.

Pamela wasn't smiling anymore.

I wasn't either.

The very next day Grandpa took Pamela out into the garden to show her the pear tree. Pamela wasn't interested.

Matt bought me another book. I bought me another book. But I also wanted to share me with the man who still ventured to buy me books. These days I am just as likely to read to 2am as I am to talk to Matt until the wee hours of the morning. We know each other. Very well.

Pamela discovered apples.

Matt read another book. His second. Yah him. Again.

Then I discovered writing...

We'll work it out.

To purchase your copy of Too Many Pears, a must read for anyone who understands the belly aches of an overflowing, slightly out of balance life... or anyone who just wants to laugh with their kids about crawling cows that turn green after consuming 600 pears, click here.

To read more about author Jackie French and her whacked sense of humor, click here.

Of course there are libraries... for those of you who know where your cards are and would spend less in library fees than you would just buying the book outright.

Whatever. Enjoy :)