Monday, March 28, 2011

She Should Not

(photo by Tabitha Bird)

A thirty-four year old woman should not want.

She should not want to learn french more than she speaks her own language.
She should not want to run away from the suburbs to live in an apartment above some Parisian street.
She should not want to touch the Mona Lisa.

She should not.
And yet, she does.


A thirty-four year old woman should not want to write more than she wants to have another baby.
She should not put her body on the line in a boxing ring.
She should not box.

She should not.
And yet, she does.


A thirty-four year old woman should not write more than she prays.
She should not want to publish a best selling novel.
She should not write to make herself be seen.

She should not.
And yet, she does.


A thirty-four year old woman should not want her abusive father to love her.
She should not want her mother to ask what it was like.
She should not want her sister to cry for the little girls they were.

She should not.
And yet, she does.


A thirty-four year old woman should not want to run naked down the aisle of a church and scream, "I hate you all."
She should not say she has bipolar.
She should not expect that friends will understand.
She should not want to be friends with people who cannot be friends.
She should not embrace those who have broken her.

She should not.
And yet, she does.
This one thing she knows. The world does not favor those who want. It favors those who settle.
She was never good at settling. It's a tiresome thing this wanting. An irksome habit.
Lonely, in ways no one will ever understand.

I am a thirty-four year old woman who should not.
And yet, she does.


What about you? What do you want that society says you should not?

29 comments:

  1. Love it! Oh ooo true...We always go for what we are not supposed to wish for. But the greatest accomplishement is when to go out and seek the things we wish for :)

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  2. This was a very emotional issue, society have and is still getting things wrong,
    Lets hope in the future that it can be corrected and that 34 yr old women should not want to do the things you so excelently written about.

    Yvonne.

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  3. To constantly take risks. Society tells me to sit down, wait my turn, by quiet and polite and smile, always smile.

    But I want to jump off cliffs!
    ~ Wendy

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  4. "The world does not favor those who want. It favors those who settle." LOVE that! Your transparency is inspiring.

    Barb

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  5. If you do not want, then you can not have. Wanting is what drives us, wanting is what makes us who we are.

    I'm 49, single, with a 6 yr. old daughter, who wants a handsome husband who'll take care of her, a beautiful house on the beach, and a career like Nora Roberts. I don't know about the first, but I can definitely score the second and third on my own by hard work and diligence.

    It's okay to want, reach for the heavens because the stars are included.

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  6. I'm ... older than 34 and I still want just as much as I did when I was 15. I'm clearer about what I want, but I still want it just as badly. I don't think anyone should ever stop wanting. I think when that happens you become grown up and I hope I never become one of those. :)

    You keep wanting, Tab. Because one day, you just might get it.

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  7. She should not have so much in common with a forty year old woman on the other side of the world, yet she does.



    Je parle du français un peu, mais je veux plus apprendre. Si j'achète du logiciel cher pour m'aider.

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  8. This is beautiful. Wanting. That's what our lives are about. When we reach the point in our lives when we do not want - even if we want things that are not acceptable by others - then we are too old to do those things which we desire.
    We live many lives in our heads, my opinion. I've always imagined myself doing things that would embarrass myself and others. Or traveling to places I will never see.
    Ummmm. This piece has really got me thinking.
    Thanks for this.
    Now I can't get wanting out of my mind.
    Blessings, Barb

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  9. Oh, Tab, this made me so sad. I am turning 62 and have never stopped wanting. I wanted to learn to play piano at 8 - I'm just doing it now. I wanted to write. I was 60 by the time I published. At 34, you have your entire life in front of you. Don't worry about what "society" thinks. You will find souls who love and understand you just the way you are.
    Karen

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  10. oh keep that want burning in your breast! Before I turn 60 (this December) I am going to Paris. I am going to send this book off and get it published. I am going to want...

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  11. Oh yes you should my dear. You should want and YOU SHOULD NOT SETTLE. Yes, that was capitalized on purpose. I'm screaming to you because I am almost 20 years older and trying so hard to shake off the quilt of "settling." Don't get caught in it Tab. Let "settle" float away on a stiff wind and wrap yourself in "want" and "do" and "be" even if you can only take small bites out of it now. There is nothing worse then the phrase "I wish I had" uttered by an 80-year-old woman.

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  12. I should not want to write more than I pray. I should not only pray about my writing.

    Lord help...

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  13. Tabitha, you always get to the very core of things, and that's what I love about you. I never leave your place without tears in my eyes or a smile on my face. Thank you.

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  14. Sure you should want! I have a bucket list now, and at 62 I'm beginning to check things off. I wish I'd done it earlier.

    I settled for a lot of my life. I'm not doing that these days.

    Great poem!

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  15. Oh my dear! Fantastic. As for me, I should not want to go to the finest restaurants in the world, dressed to the nines, and then eat EVERYTHING with my hands!

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  16. Wow! That is really touching, Tabitha.

    Okay, what does this forty-five year old want that she should not?

    Clear, distinctive direction and answers from God. It's taken me this many years to realize that that's not how God is going to work with me!

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  17. What a great poem. For me I'm much older than 34 and I shouldn't want to learn to play the piano, but I am.

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  18. I think you should and I'm glad your doing your best to achieve your goals. ;)

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  19. Oh my. I get it. Fabulously put. I believe there is a balance to be found in all the wanting. Desires, contentment, peace. There are places where they all meet and should be celebrated. "Should not" sounds so judgemental of yourself. Who says you should not? Softer words I give you...yearn, seek, dream.

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  20. I should not want comfort at the cost of obedience, yet it's something I battle every single day

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  21. I am past my 30"s...there are many things I have been wanting/waiting to do. Reading your poem makes me realize I need to stop wanting/waiting and start doing.

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  22. Love this! I've been breaking out of the box everyone else's assumptions have tried to place me in for years. The latest - the deaf are silent. No, I'm afraid not, I'm quite loud in words and actions.

    We should not want to be different, yet I am, I'm no good at settling either. (Hugs)Indigo

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  23. Wanting is such a constant in life, though, I have to say, at 50, my wants are a whole lot fewer and simpler, and I give less and less thought to how socially acceptable they are!

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  24. It would seem I am not alone in my wanting :) I am glad.
    The world is not a soft place in which to plant our wants, but it is the soil we are granted. To all my blogging friends.... want. And keep wanting. Not matter how many time you have to replant to seed of your dreams. :)

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  25. I want to find Noahs Ark but I understand the general area is off limits. I mean, how cool would that be!

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  26. I want a body like LL Cool J's without the work. :D

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  27. Hi Tabitha....I want too many things.. write a bestseller, get a dream agent, a house by the beach, a ferrari..shall I continue??

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  28. This blew me out of the water...so much shared and exposed. I think when we quit wanting, we quit growing. It's okay to want the things you want. They all seemed terribly reasonable to me. As women especially, I think we are asked to give up our wants and needs...I don't think that's the way it should be.

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  29. You know what they say about shoulds, right? I'm so glad you've learned to listen to your heart and that you share it so eloquently with us all. Stunning writing, my friend.

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