Monday, May 24, 2010
Things to do with 13 hours
Flight time from Brisbane to LA is 13 hours. (interestingly- it is 13 hours and 50 minutes on the return leg)
Last time I did this flight I had a 12 month old. My baby boy didn't sleep. He did, however, vomit on me and throw a three hour fit on the last leg of the flight. And I was alone. My husband had a business contract to finish up in Denver, so I was flying home to Australia. By MYSELF.
I haven't forgive him. I'm joking. Of course I have :)
(I may or may not bring this up at times when I don't want to change a diaper- but I digress)
This time I am flying solo. No kids. No husband. Just me. Solo. And thirteen hours.
At first I was excited. 13 hours. Think of the books that can be read. The movies that can be watched and the time to think uninterrupted things... And that will take about 7 or 8 hours.
I mean, how many books can one girl possible carry onto a plane? And how many movies can I watch or thoughts can I think without going cross-eyed?
So what the heck should I do with 13 hours?
Here's a quick list of things I won't do, but kinda wish I could.
1/ Sleep. The ENTIRE trip. Bliss.... It'll never happen.
2/ Box. Yeah. I know. Not going to happen either. But some passengers annoy the crap out of me. How many times can that lady with the blue hair need me to get up and move so she can the toilet? And no I don't want dinner at 2 am in the morning thank you lovely Air-Hostess-with-the-Mostess. I just want to go the heck back to sleep. (See number one) And turn the damn lights out... please.
3/ Chat to the pilot. You know, how long has he been flying?What's the most interesting place he's ever been? Worst passenger? Has he ever crashed a plane? ... second thoughts, I don't want to know.
4/ Stand up and scream, "ARE WE THERE YET? ARE WE THERE YET? ARE WE THERE YET!"
5/ Lie prostrate in the isle. Really. I seriously consider doing this on every long distance flight I take. I think there all passengers should get a turn to just stretch out in the isle. And sleep. (See number one)
6/ Order fish and chips. I HATE plane food. I just want some good ole fashioned fish, chips and a cold beer, if you don't mind. I could care less about the 'Braised Chicken in Creamy Blah Blah Blah with Baked Whatever the Heck on the Side.' Seriously. You reheated it people. It sucks! You know it and I know it.
7/ Tell the guy beside me to shut up. No, I don't want to talk. I don't care how many times he goes to the gym. I don't care how much beer he drank last weekend. And I especially don't care that he is single. Can't the dude see the wedding ring on my finger? And here, let me show you some pictures of my kids.
8/ Smash the map that flashes up on the TV screen with the little plane showing how far we've come, how far we've got to go, how fast we are flying, air temperature etc etc. This could be fun for everyone. Kind of like a pinata. We could all take turns. Maybe candy will spill out... I can dream!
9/ Use a real knife to cut my food. Pass on the plastic. Honestly. How many would be hijackers get on planes and go, "Oh damn, they only have plastic knifes and forks! Now all our plans are thwarted."
10/ Start up Karaoke. After ten hours I won even care how off key the woman with blue hair sings. I won't care if the man in the Hawaiian shirt wants to do his version of Elvis. And I won't care if the pilot wants to join in... okay, maybe I will.
What about you? Would you fly with me? :)
What is the furthest you have gone for a writing conference?
What do you wish you could do on planes? (keep it clean people)