Once upon a morning run there was a girl, not unlike myself, who pounded road after road before most of the world was even out of bed. She was up admiring the freshness of a day unstarted before the birds even gave song to the morning.
This was most unlike her.
Never an early riser, she shocked not only her husband, but herself when she set the alarm for 5:00am. More shocking was how addictive this new found running and waiting for the sun to come up became.
The addiction had something to do with breathing.
In, out, in out.
The sheer rhythm of it. The way one foot followed the other. They way hills were broken down into one jogging step after another, never a whole hill. And most importantly, the way she heard things she had never noticed before. The sound of her heart echoing life in her ears. The sound of stillness in the shadows around her. The peace of it all.
And then another sound she didn't even recognize at first. The sound of her own voice. She'd spent so long letting her tongue beat her down that this inner gentleness made her deeply suspicious. Maybe she really had lost her mind rising so early just to run. But there was no denying it. The inner whispers began guiding. They told her she could. They said she was strong. They told her they were proud. And if whispers could smile, these whispers smiled.
Now she knows not only the voice, but the woman from whom the voice comes. And she is not bad company. Not bad company at all. Now, when she runs, she is in that moment with herself so completely that it is almost worth all the years of being lost just to appreciate the power of holding her own hand.
What about you? Where are you most at one with yourself?
If you write, does that inner voice make it into your words?
[Image]
Your posts give me goosebumps sometimes. This was a goosebumps day. *sigh*
ReplyDeleteThank you Wendy :)
ReplyDeleteWoohoo! I love this SO much. What a completely hopeful, beautiful, true post.
ReplyDeleteYes, I def. think my writing shows the inner me. Maybe sometimes too much. ;-)
That experience just might get me out of bed too.
ReplyDeleteFor me, it used to be nighttime. Now, I'm not sure. Maybe the forest.
the freshness of a day unstarted -- I love this sentence. It's going in my commonplace book.
ReplyDeleteAnd I understand the running. I've suffered multiple injuries and have resorted to the "Galloway method" (walking minutes and running minutes...supposed to help those with chronic injuries).
While running, I don't feel I'm most with myself. I feel I push past myself. It is very freeing and joyful and challenging. A mental break from the day and a metaphor for life: if I can handle this, I can tackle my day.
I love reading your posts- so many of them have made me really think in the last one week.
ReplyDeleteI too feel most with myself when I am running. That is one time when I am just me,and because I am in my elemental state, it is precious time with my favourite person- myself.
What refreshing words! "...letting her tongue beat her down..." I really, really like that. I don't run, but I do enjoy hiking. The beauty of places open me to my voice. And, yes when I write my inner voice opens and it can be scary at times!
ReplyDeleteOh Tab, I wish I could find words to tell you how touching this post is. I'm a little creaky for running, but when I walk I hear myself speak, and, for the first time in ever-so-long, I also find myself wanting to listen. Good for you girl. You keep going.
ReplyDeleteOh that "inner voice" speaks loud and clear through my poetry...It takes over and has a mind of its own...And I just let it flow through my heart and spill out onto the paper...as it may...
ReplyDeleteAnother time I am at one with myself is, driving alone...If my hands werent trying to keep my car on the road I could write the best poetry in these times and often write the most beautiful never written things...Then I try to repeat it as soon as I can but it never flows as beautiful...
your sentiment is so true... until one goes without, can they ever fully appreciate the value of finding something?
ReplyDeleteSelf value... one all can "run" into and love.
Again, beatiuous! At peace with myself? Writing. But as of late that is my battlefield as well. (insert Jordin Sparks song)
ReplyDeleteI could devour your words like the scrumptious things they are. :) I feel at one with myself when I'm working with words and small children. And yes, I think that inner voice does make it onto the computer screen and into the story. :)
ReplyDeleteI find when breaking away from routine especially when alone and closer to nature, the "music" that is all around, especially before the world starts to stir. In those quiet moments, the true essence of ourselves is revealed. That is when God speaks to us and thru us in many ways. Sometimes we tend to lose ourselves in mommy moments.
ReplyDeleteMost at one, alone in nature....not necessarily running...
ReplyDeleteI can't breathe
I had lungs once
and a heart that beat
but I shut it down
and the squeeze release
no longer works
And the you
in me
so great as to press lungs
into salt flats
with no nourishment now
to expand
into the space you left
So I run
as hollow shell
bang knees to pavement
for pain
other than
and to force breath
into lungs
pump blood
into veins
Today
I cannot breathe
unless I force a reason
- Annie
This was so, so beautiful!! I loved every line of it, Tabitha.
ReplyDeleteHave a great weekend! :-)
I hope my writing shows the inner me. This was beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI am most one with myself when I'm writing, running, or in the ocean.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful post and beautiful image. Love your blog.
Gorgeous, Tabitha. I think I'm most one with myself when caught in the flow of writing. It can be a magical place of joy and contentment.
ReplyDeleteAre you kidding me? That voice comes into my poems all the time. There are many times when I start with just a phrase or a notion, and I let that voice speak and flow and voila! I've written something amazing. I guess the horse knows the way.
ReplyDeleteThank you guys. And wine and words... what can I say. Wow. Thank you :)
ReplyDeleteA beautiful post. Things got very quiet as I read.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I hear my inner voice when I write because the characters are speaking and talking to me. But if I put on headphones and listen to music I can hear my thoughts.
What a great post.
Helen
Straight From Hel
Gorgeously put! I am at one with myself way up in the mountains, when the trees and the words of nature surround me and I am alone. It's much like yours, I suppose, but with out that running stuff. :o)
ReplyDeleteLove your blog!
The power of holding your own hand. YES!
ReplyDeleteWOW This is powerful...
ReplyDeleteYES
Writing has does effect on me too.
Beautiful.
ReplyDeleteOk, I don't say this often (or actually ever) but this post makes me want to wake up at 5 AM and go for a jog. Love it. Makes my trips to the gym seems a little generic and boring.
ReplyDeleteI love this picture of you running in the dawn, becoming acquainted with your own heart's voice. For me it's walks in the woods or time on the water.
ReplyDelete