Monday, December 7, 2009

Where Santa Surfs!

Top ten signs it is Christmas Down Under:

1. Snow is predicted for the next annual migration of flying pigs. So instead you spray paint snow flakes and frost on your windows. (True! You can buy the 'Frost Paint' in spray cans!)

2. If it cannot be cooked on a BBQ you don't buy it. Who wants to be stuck in a hot kitchen?

3. Night time is for cursing the fact that you didn't buy the house with the air conditioning system and hating you neighbour for having one. Alternatively you can toss and turn under the sweaty sheets or have a midnight shower every two-three hours. Whatever. You wont be sleeping peacefully again until June.

4. The bitumen roads have liquefied. Car tyres have melted. It is too hot to do anything. Even the dog agrees.

5. The cricket is the only thing on TV. No self respecting Aussie male would be caught dead not knowing all the cricket scores.

6. You hang out at the shops because at least they have air conditioning.

7. You go to the movies because at least they have air conditioning.

8. You decide where to have Christmas Day based on whose house has air conditioning and how high they are prepared to crank it. This is a very serious discussion. Lives are at stake!

9. You've decorated the Gum tree and hung tinsel off the palm. But the Christmas tree inside is fake and fantastic. Anything not tapped into a water supply would wilt in 10 seconds. Wilting Christmas is not your idea of lovely.

10. You pity the guy in the Santa suit. Even if he is in air conditioning. No amount of mechanical cooling can help someone in boots, thick red fabric from wrist to ankle and dozens of children clambering onto his lap.
Smile... Poor, poor guy...

Oh, and one more for my Aussie mates...

11. You know what '10 White Boomers' are and you sing it loud and you sing it proud :)

What about you? How would I know it was Christmas where you live?

[AND in important news we just bought a HOUSE!!!! We move in on the 23rd of December! Oh. My. What. Were. We. Thinking!
AND with Christmas and house packing and school holidays... I will be reducing postings to Monday, Wednesday and Friday... and growing grey hairs... or pulling them out...]


  1. Congratulations Tabitha! You just got the best Christmas present there is!

    In Texas we would be gloating if there were snow flakes to report. The few specks we saw Friday dissolved in the wind! It is cold here, and that's probably as good as it will get.

  2. Thanks Tamika. I am pretty excited! And also terrified! :)

  3. Congratulations on the house!!!! But oh my...the timing is not so good! I hope you have your Christmas shopping done! lol

  4. Congrats on the house! That's awesome! Wow, I can't imagine having a scorching hot Christmas! I know it's Christmas here becuase there's snow on the ground and Christmas music on every radio station. :)

  5. LOL! Fun list!
    That's so great you bought a house!! What a Christmas gift! You need to post pictures!

  6. Congratulations! What wonderful news. We moved into our first house on New Year's Eve...which meant tearing down Christmas and shoving it into boxes as fast as we could. Wishing you a life time of joy in your new home! I'll have to ask my "aussie" sister about the 10 White Boomers.

  7. Congratulations on your new home, Tabitha!! Does it have air conditioning...I hope!

    Lots of house twinkle lights reveal Christmas is near around here.

  8. It would take a longboarder to wear a Santa suit in surf...(Californian here)
    Happiness is a new house for Christmas!

  9. Wow moving at Christmas time! You are brave. Your list was awesome. I really want to visit Australia some day. Christmas here is just like the movies: snow, hot chocolate, warm fires. Unfortunately it's also COLD!!! Even Santa in the suit can't stay warm.

  10. I know it's Christmas when I can no longer navigate my way down the street without it taking twice as long as usual. When I can't zip in and out of a store for something I NEED, because there are too many people buying gifts for people that don't need them. Oh how I hate the city.

    Congratulations Tabitha! It will be a very memorable Christmas!

  11. Congrats on the new house! That's awesome!

    Ha! I loved this list! You can buy the spray paint here in the South too, because while it is "cold" here there definitely isn't any snow!

    Hmm... Christmas in the South--

    -More people are willing to say "Merry Christmas" instead of the politically correct "happy holidays".

    -You deep fry your turkey

    -There's a christmas eve service on every corner because every church is open and filled to capacity

  12. Wow! congrats on your new house! I first realized it was Christmas season here when I was stuck in traffic for a half an hour because of a Christmas parade. It was very pretty 'cause it was held at night and all the floats had beautiful lights.

  13. Oh, wow! Good luck with your move!

    Urk. I am so tempted to trade weather with you. Think of it as just being the opposite--heating instead of cooling, and lots and lots of snow. >.<
    I love looking at snow, but wish it would all evaporate when it's time to go outside. (That and warm up substantially!)

  14. Congratulations on the house!

    I don't like snow much so a warm Christmas sounds kind of nice. Here, though, there is usually at least snow on the ground for Christmas. But since it's Colorado it can be super chilly in the morning and then 70 degrees by the afternoon. Lots of Christmas lights, though, and Christmas carols, too!

  15. YAY for the house! What a time for miracles and happines. I'm so thrilled for you!!! BTW, I love hearing about how hot it is! I'm not in cold snowy weather but it's not hot here right now either. Love the surfing Santa's!

  16. YAY! Congrats on buying the house! I am sort of jealous as I read your post, but only because our New England winters can be so harsh. It's cold and snowy today, but I'm all right as long as we don't get too much. Hope you find a good air conditioning system and stay as cool as you can!

  17. Congrats on the house, good lady! And yes, what were you thinking? Does it have air conditioning, at least?

    The house in which I spent my teenage years was blessed with a VERY holiday-spirited neighbor who would, about the day after Thanksgiving (last Thurs. in Nov.), pipe Xmas music into the street from his front porch. Yes, we had muzak in the neighborhood. I knew it was Christmas when I could hear Alvin and the Chipmunks singing carols at 8:30 in the morning. (!!!)

  18. I don't know. We have -35 degrees here in Canada, which is worse.

    Congrats on the house and my daughter sang "10 White boomers" at her Christmas concert last year. She was a Boomer.

  19. Snow and cold.
    The sun just above the horizon at mid-day.
    The sky red with twilight for hours.
    Good friends gathering around woodstoves.
    A full moon up for 20 hours.

  20. Congrats on your new house. Don't worry; the gray can be concealed with a $10 box of hair color. :) Anyway, Christmas here is cold. I actually envy the guy in the red suit.

  21. lol, hilarious.
    You left a comment on my blog..."Great idea Kelly. It is a shame you don't look at my genre, but I am sure those you do look at will receive valuable feedback."
    What genre do you write? You can email me, my email is on my profile.

  22. Congrats on the house! And yes, WHAT. WERE. YOU. THINKING!!!! ;-)

    It's so funny to hear you speak of Christmas under those conditions! I think you should really move it to winter (as if you really could!). Christmas just wouldn't feel the same if we had it in June!

  23. Congrats!
    A dusting of snow! Folks who put up their lights in November to avoid frozen ladder steps!
    Trees bare of leaves but full of twinkly lights!

    Welcome to Normal!!

  24. Very funny list Tab! I'm so happy for you and your family. What a wonderful way to start the next New Year in a new house filled with possibilities! xo

  25. Hey Sorry everyone, I just realized that it is '6 white Boomers' not 10 LOL. Don't take my Aussie licence away :)

  26. Your Christmas sound like magic. Thank you everyone for the congrats on the house! We are packing today... and the next day and the next dayandthenextdayandthnext day.... you get the picture.

    See you all on your blogs.

    Se you back here Wednesday

  27. I love it! I don't get why people still get offended when I ask if they have air con and if they say no I suggest they come to my house...
    Love the list - hope the move goes well.

  28. I hope that house has air conditioning :)
    Moving to Sydney from the northern hemisphere was a shock, but we now love to hang around the tree in Hawaiian shirts and fire up the BBQ. But, since we bought air con two years ago, we haven't had to cram ourselves into Westfield and watch every inane movie released. Yay!

  29. Congrats on the house, GREAT NEWS!

    Wow it would take a bit of getting use to having christmas in the Summer. Sounds like Summer in LA.

    It is raining, finally! YAY.

    much love

  30. Congratulations on your new house! That's awesome! I'll take Christmas in July any ol' day! I love Christmas, and I would even like a white one, but I'm not much on long-term cold weather, so bring on warm weather.

  31. Oh you're funnnneeeeee. I deliver the mail, and you're asking me what the signs of Christmas are?!?

  32. Congrats on the house! That's amazing news. And how do I know it's Christmas? It's so cold you can't feel your extremities. And dark. So so dark. Ugh. I hate winter.

  33. Hope you got the house with central air conditioning. This post was hilarious. It's freezing here, but I began to sweat reading your post. I hate the heat - I would die without central air. I wouldn't mind the winter if it didn't get dark so early - I agree with Elana - dark. so dark. At least I don't live in Alaska - actually I did for a summer - light. so light at 3am. Sorry got off topic. Anyway Congrats on the house. There's a ton of Christmas songs that involve snow - do you hear them in Australia.

  34. Congrats on the house! That's wonderful. :-)

    Christmas here? I don't know. Probably just lots of decorations. LOL

  35. Congratulations on the house!

    Car tires melt? Holy cow.

  36. Congratulations on the new house! Hard to imagine Christmas being hot (and I live in a hot place...but during a different part of the year.)

    Mystery Writing is Murder

  37. Jason- well.. they don't actually melt... :)

    Elizabeth- thanks for stopping by. Thanks for the congrats. I will swap you some sunshine for some snow :)

  38. Wonderful list - funny too, lol. Here in Michigan, US, you know it's Christmas season when everything is all white and cold outside.

    Marvin D Wilson

  39. Florida sounds very similar to what you described. Except I haven't heard any men with sexy Aussie accents around here. Maybe I will add one of those to my xmas list. ;)

  40. Tabitha,
    Thankyou for my zygomatic.

    May you be blessed with the best there is....for a heart such as yours can have only happiness for its breath!
    Much much, love!

    And i'm very happy for you, you beautiful person!

  41. Does your new house have air conditioning? And what are white boomers?

    If your house has a/c, then next Christmas, invite people over but take a $10 cover charge per person for the a/c bill.

    Straight From Hel

  42. First of all, congrats on the house! I'd lose it if I had to move the day before Christmas Eve -- I admire you.

    Second -- your list made me howl with laughter. It's been quite a few years since I had a show in Australia (Adelaide), and I had a blast.

    I live outside of NY -- you know it's the holidays by everyone running around with shopping bags rather than backpacks!

  43. Congrats on your new house! What an exciting event for your family. Thanks for the list - I feel much warmer now. It's in the teens here - not enjoying the frost one bit.

    You know it's Christmas here because there are lights everywhere.

  44. I love and agree with all of these! People enjoying white Christmases in the northern hemisphere just don't understand. An Aussie Christmas has to be experienced.
    What a busy December you're having. I hope you settle comfortably into your new home.
    I would've loved to have met you at the Word Writer's Fair. I almost did. I saw your name on the registration desk and asked Rochelle "Where's Tabitha Bird?" and she said you'd just left! Never mind, there'll be other times.

  45. I love this picture!! And your list, too (though I think I only got 1/2 the references). :)

    And congrats on the house!

  46. I can't even imagine an Australian Christmas! Love it.

    Congrats on the new house!

  47. Congrats Tabitha on the house! Your move-in date is my birthday :) Enjoy your new home.