Itch

Ever read Eat Pray Love? No? Me either. I am reading it at the moment. In the spirit of reading in the genre I write, I have read more memoirs this year than ever before. And I have a question. I want to know... what is my word?

In Elizabeth Gilbert's books she says (among many other lusty, pearl like sentences)

"...every city has a single word that defines it, that identifies most people who live there."

She names a few cities and their 'words.'

In Rome the word is SEX.

In New York the word is ACHIEVE.

In LA the word is SUCCEED.

This got Matt (husband) and I thinking...

We came up with a few of our own.

In Hong Kong the word is WORK.

In Brisbane (Australia) the word is LIFESTYLE.

On the Gold Coast the word is SELF or possibly PLEASURE.

Families have words too.

In my family the word was SURVIVE.

In other families the word could be PERFORM, ACCEPT, REJECT, or maybe, just maybe, LOVE.

But far more important is the question, "What is my word?"

I asked Matt what he thinks his word is. He said, "MATTER." I like that. And that word is very telling. Matt wants to matter. He wants to make his life matter. He wants to matter to himself and to others, and most of all to those he loves. He wants to matter right now and later and after he is dead and gone. In fact, he especially wants to matter after he is dead and gone.

This word is one of the reasons I love Matt. He does MATTER. A whole lot.

But it didn't help me answer my question.

"What is my word?"

I said, "CREATE." Create my life, my words, my writing, my wants and desires and passions. Create myself...

But Matt thought it was more than that, because there is a reason I create. Something beyond the creation.

I agree. But I don't know what it is.

I've been thinking about it all night. And finally I have decided...

Life has many seasons and I think that in each season, and possibly even throughout that season, our word changes.

Mine used to be ESCAPE. It has also been WORK, IGNORE, RUN, HIDE and SEEK... Later the word became US, BABY and FAMILY. I have always wanted to own the word BELONG and HOME. Sometimes my word is CHILD and PLAY... occasionally it is ME.

But right now, in this season of life, my word is ITCH. Yes ITCH. Like a dog. I want... I really want and boy, oh boy does that make me ITCH.

I've tried ignoring the itch, running from the itch and scratching the itch... Then I thought to myself, "Tab, why don't you just be still with the itch?" I mean if you itch, and you can't stop the itch or escape the itch, then let's just quieten down and oh, I don't know.... notice the itch?All my life I have been busy moving around trying to minimise the discomfort, trying to do something about that itch. Trying to lead instead of follow. Trying to fill instead of empty. Trying to fix instead of allowing something to be broken. What about doing...nothing? What about just letting it ITCH?

So that's my plan. I have just decided to sit still and notice the ITCH.

What does it want? What does it tell me about what I want? What does it tell me about what I need and what direction I should go in order to give myself what I need?

I'm looking forward to finding out.

What about you? What is your city's word? What is your word? And what does that tell you about you?