Thursday, October 15, 2009

Enough, I thought.



Sadness was a letter. An envelope with foreign stamps. Postmarked in my past. The return address, once a familiar embrace. I knew the date and relived the time in every word, over and over and over...
Enough, I thought.


I folded it once. Twice. And pushed it back into the empty pocket, filing it in my bottom drawer. I decided not to look. To cut off and shut down and never care again.
Enough, I thought.

Silence was beautiful at first. Until the pendulum of living stopped mid swing. No pain, but no connection either. The letter sat there bruising me. Rotting my insides, turning me bitter.
Enough, I thought.


Today the sky was blue. Clear and opened. So I took the letter out. Unfolded myself and re-read beneath my sky.
At the bottom of an empty pot I stuffed the sadness. The letter. The postmarked past. And all the longing for things we never said.
Enough, I thought.

I held the paper edges to the lighter. The flames crept along the edges. Respectfully almost.
And I sat and held my hand.
As the ashes floated my hair filled with smoke and I wiped the stinging from my eyes. And then, the letter was gone.
I sat with me, for just a while.
Long enough to forgive myself. To think of writing my own letters. Different letters. To kiss the stamps and send them outwards. And hope, perhaps, for new words in return. No more folding and tucking me away.

Enough, I thought.






18 comments:

  1. Yes, yes, and yes, Tabitha!!!!
    Karen

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  2. This is beautiful!!! And that photograph is stunning!

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  3. Wonderful. I love the refrain, Enough, I thought.

    Helen
    Straight From Hel

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  4. "Silence was beautiful at first. Until the pendulum of living stopped mid swing." This was just perfect. We must deal, yes? One way or another, up to surface comes the letters, no matter where we file 'em. Nice that you are unfolding yourself. I am still rather oragami.

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  5. Stunned by your depth and voice. When is it enough? Sometimes I think I cling to pain and loss because there is a terrible beauty in it, but eventually it should be enough.

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  6. Absolutely beautiful. Your way with words is spectacular.

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  7. Wow! I'm certainly impressed especially your intro paragraph. Every bit is beautifully expressed. Such an intimate voice, feels like I'm peeking into your diary.

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  8. Wonderful piece. I truly loved it! The photo goes perfect with your words! I could see myself sitting on that bench looking out into the void, lighting up the letter that burned a hole in my pocket for so long. Simply beautiful Tabitha!

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  9. Thank you Ellie. Yes it was truly freeing.

    Sharla- Welcome and thank you for visiting my blog. Thanks for the comment:))

    Jess- thanks

    Susan- Thank you.

    Tricia- I love your thoughts on this piece. When is it enough is an important question. One I am getting better as asking and answering.

    Wine and words- yes. I think we must deal. Or stop the swing of life. But I understand about being oragami. I am still neatly folded in many areas of my life. Unfolding is a slow process. Thank you for your words. :)

    Helen- thank you.

    Natalie- oh shucks :)

    Kristen- thank you. the photograph was begging to marry this writing. I let it. :)

    Karen- yes, the unfolding is important as we both know.

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  10. When can I read your memoir, seriously?

    That brought tears to my eyes. We all must deal with our past. How beautifully rendered.

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  11. Gorgeous. Thanks for sharing it with us.

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  12. I feel like I'm getting repetitive: beautiful, beautiful, beautiful... You have such a way with words!

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  13. Tabitha, it's me She Poet! I changed to my real name Sharla :)

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  14. Sorry that was me that commented yesterday

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  15. I have been in an "enough I thought" mode for quite some time now. Thank you for saying what I've been feeling. :O)

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