"Mediocrity is the best camouflage known to man." Bryce Courtenay
As a teacher I heard a lot of parents tell me that all they wanted for their children was for them to be happy. And I applaud them. Really. After all, what I want for myself is happiness. Writing makes me happy, water skiing makes me happy, boxing makes me happy, running makes me happy, being with my family makes me happy... but I am wondering if that is enough?
Happiness is a wonderful thing, I could use a bottle of it tucked in my back pocket some days just so I could take a swig every now and then, but ultimately what's going to make me happy is being more than a walking smile. I want to be the best I am able to be under the might hand of God. I am not shooting for 'middle of the road' or 'enough to get by in life.' I want more. I ache for more.
I want to know that I did everything I could with the strengths and weakness I found in my life. Maybe that's a bit of the perfectionist coming out in me, and I am sure I could do with letting up on myself occasionally, especially when I really am doing all I can. But I don't want to fall in a rut. Easy Street has lots of hidden heartbreaks. Not in the least the real big one 'regret'. What if? I wonder? I want to minimise regret in my life.
I think those writers that 'made it' had to make a decision somewhere along the way, that whether they got published or not they were going to keep writing and perfecting their craft for as long as they were going to call themselves serious writers. I don't think being published is the mark of success. I think knowing you are giving your writing your utmost and following your heart is a better bench mark. I think that's a pretty damned good bench mark for most things in life.
Every time I put a word on a page I risk failing, but I am hopeful that the person I am underneath my words eventually shines through to be all she can be.
Now that WOULD make me happy!